Just imagine your partner decided what you should eat. That you had more and more food placed in front of you every single day – often until you could hardly move any longer. And that you went along with it. For reasons of love, desire, loneliness, or simply a wish to finally be wanted. That’s exactly how everyday life on the so-called “feeding scene”, could be described, where targeted weight gain creates sexual attraction – both in “feeders” and “feedees”.
A current report from Y-Kollektiv doesn’t just uncover the health risks of this sexual tendency; it also shows just how quickly a feeling that appears to be love can metamorphosise into a dangerous dependency. It is particularly disturbing that in some cases, the process can strongly resemble the notorious “loverboy” scam.
What actually is “feeding”?
Feeding Is all about putting on weight – and controlling it. A person, the so-called “feeder” (usually male), takes over complete control, deciding what is eaten, how much of it – and when. The “feedee” (usually female) follows these orders. Eats. Swallows. More and more. Until they are totally exhausted. In particularly extreme cases (sometimes referred to as “funnel feeding”), feeders even use aids such as tubes or funnels to “feed” their partner if they are no longer physically capable of eating, or willing to do so.
In the Y-Kollektiv report, reporter Carolin von der Groeben meets a feeder herself – and accompanies him to a meeting with his feedee. The two have arranged to meet in a hotel room, for food and sex.
Before long, the feeder and the reporter go shopping together – and the list is a long one. The shopping trolley is gradually filled with calorie-rich foods such as chocolate, biscuits and cakes. It’s all about the intake of as many calories as possible. Just to be absolutely sure, they stop off at McDonald’s on the way home for a Big Rösti, chocolate milkshake, and two chickenburgers with plenty of mayonnaise. The idea is for everything to be consumed by the feedee within the shortest possible time, both during foreplay and the act of sex itself.
For most people, feeding is a power game. The feeder – who is usually slim or of normal weight themselves – desires an ever-fatter body. The more the partner weighs, the better. Often, the aim is a weight which falls into the field of morbid obesity (adipositas). Some feedees even fantasise about putting on so much weight that sooner or later they will no longer be able to move without help, and their feeders actively “support” them on this road to immobility.
And what’s so exciting about all this? The idea of having brought about this condition oneself. Along with the sexual excitement, the weight-gain also counts as proof of devotion, love and submissiveness. The feedee becomes an object of fetishism, completely abdicating control over their own body to the feeder.
So what’s the problem?
Some experts categorise feeding as a paraphilia, defined as a “disorder of sexual preference, combined with impulsive sexual needs or fantasies not viewed as ‘normal’ by a certain society”.
Medically speaking, feeding is highly dangerous. Obesity can, amongst other things, cause serious secondary conditions including gastrointestinal problems, high blood pressure, diabetes, cardiovascular illnesses and articular problems. In particularly extreme cases, it can – as mentioned above – lead to restricted mobility or even the feedee becoming bedridden. The feedee could then require permanent care, and even more dependent upon the feeder – both psychologically and physically – as a result. On the scene, however, this is exactly what is repressed – or consciously accepted.
Another problem is the question of just how ‘voluntary’ such a relationship can ever really be. At first glance, of course, it all seems to be consensual. But if only one side bears the health consequences and the other not, it actually involves an unequal dynamic.
Yes, there are feedees who say: I want it like this. They consciously accept the risks. But let’s be honest; just because somebody agrees to harm themselves doesn’t mean it is morally defensible to support their behaviour. Especially if the damage to their health could be irreversible. It certainly has little to do with love.
Feeding and the loverboy scam
Particularly concerning is the fact that in some cases, feeding relationships can strongly resemble the notorious loverboy scam (see here for past reports).
A quick reminder: the so-called ‘loverboy’ method is used to describe a process in which scammers, usually young men, deliberately exploit the need for closeness, acknowledgement and love in order to drive girls and women into emotional dependency. The men initially appear to be loving partners, showering the women with attention and promising a future together. Once a bond of trust has been created, the exploitation – emotional, sexual and financial – gradually begins. Eventually, the victims are forced into prostitution, while the loverboy keeps the profits for himself.
This is similar to how it was in the case of Veronika, a former feedee. She told Y-Kollektiv that due to her obesity, she had never really experienced love in her life – until she met a man who finally gave her the affection she had desired for so long. But the price of that ‘love’ was high. He encouraged her to make videos and photos of herself in which she filmed herself while eating, rubbing her stomach, bending over, etc. – all content which is particularly in demand on the feeding scene. The recordings weren’t explicitly pornographic, which initially lowered the emotional threshold for Veronika to play along. It wasn’t long before the truth became clear, however: she no longer had control over her own body. He remained anonymous the entire time; she didn’t. She gained weight; he didn’t. She had to give up half the money earned from the images to him.
Veronika is far from the only victim, however. Three women report, separately from one other, that they, too, were pressurised to make such recordings by the same man. All of them had the feeling that they had been forced into a relationship of dependency which, due to their desire for closeness and confirmation, defined them physically and emotionally. In Veronika’s case, the traces are still visible, long after she escaped the scene.
Translated by Tim Lywood
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