Gaslighting refers to a type of psychological manipulation in which victims` reality is distorted to such an extent that they can no longer distinguish between reality and illusion.
This kind of psychological abuse takes its name from the play “Gaslight” by Patrick Hamilton, from 1938. The play is about a man who tortures his wife with terrible mental manipulation. Due to false information, the victims begin to doubt in themselves more and more, in their feelings and memories. In the play, the man tries to convince wife, Bella, that she is insane, and the gaslight is becoming ever-darker. Things of value disappear, and Bella hears shouts and becomes more and more anxious. Her husband and the servants do not believe her. She is afraid that, like her mother, she is mentally ill and will have to go into an institution. In fact, he is responsible for everything. You can find out exactly what happened here.
In science, gaslighting is also known as “invalidating communication”. With this kind of communication, the feelings, perceptions and memories of the partner in the conversation themselves are invalidated. This can severely affect the victims, and lead to psychological problems. The abusers consciously shatter the self-perception and self-consciousness of the victims. Many abusers have a narcissistic personality, meaning they only value their own perception and feelings, and consider these alone to be right. They use gaslighting or invalidating communication to create an emotional dependency in the victim.
What kinds of psychological manipulation do the culprits use?
- They lie (“I never said that.“ “You`re wrong there!” “I would never do something like that!” “Of course I`ll leave her for you.” “I love you.” “He’s just a friend!”)
- They imply certain things (“You’re so nervous again, have you been drinking?” “Have you not been getting enough sleep?” “You`re worrying too much again!”)
- Accusations of false facts (“You flirt with every man you see!” “You`re cheating on me!”)
- Denial (“You`re just imagining it!” “It’s all in your head!” “You’re crazy!”)
- False caring (“If you feel fat or ugly, sweety, then stay at home.” “You`d better not do that.“ “That`s not for people like you.“ “You`ll never be able to do it.“)
How does this affect the victims?
- The victims start to have major self-doubts
- The abusers gain power and influence over the victims
- This presupposes a degree of trust – family members, partners, friends and colleagues can be victims, and become abusers.
- The manipulation can evolve over an extended period of time. Victims often only realise after years that they have been influenced and abused in this way.
- The abusers have to isolate the victims from their loved ones for this to work. This is why victims also feel alone and helpless.
What can you do to counter this?
- Do not lose confidence in yourself. Believe in your perceptions and memories.
- You can write important events, feelings and worries in a diary. Then, in case of doubt, you will have evidence. You can also collect text messages or write down phone calls and conversations. Always be very careful, however! This is about your safety! Confrontations can be dangerous!
- Stay strong and clearly say “Stop!”
“I know what I feel and what has happened. The conversation is over.“ - Put distance between yourself and the abusers. Taking a walk, talking to a person you trust or talking to your therapist can all help you get a clear head.
Here are a few places you can get help:
Bayern gegen Gewalt
Frauen-Helpline
Rat auf Draht
Männerinfo
And here´s a video about the subject. The video, by MedCircle, describes hidden signs of gaslighting, and how to recognise them.
Translated by Tim Lywood
#Gaslighting #PsychischerMissbrauch #Manipulation #NarzisstischeVeranlagungen #Selbstzweifel #PsychischeGewalt #EntwertendeKommunikation #AgainstHumanTrafficking #GegenMenschenhandel #EndExploitation #EndTrafficking #HopeForTheFuture #Österreich